apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
