I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
