Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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