I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
