I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
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I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
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I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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