i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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