i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
