the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
