i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
