I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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