She is in my trunk
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
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I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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