i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Are we still banned from the library?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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