i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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