I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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