Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm like, not good at living.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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