You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
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Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
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I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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