Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
