Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize