Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just cut my nipple shaving
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
