my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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