i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
