I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
