I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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