North Korea, Best Korea!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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