that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
