You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
