im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
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