You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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