Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just want nice things and good sex
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
