I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
