The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
