Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
