This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
