im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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