Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
