Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize