You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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