i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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