Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
