thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
