just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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