I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you inspire me to be a worse person
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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