OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
false alarm. still invincible.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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