Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
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