she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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