I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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