I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
