Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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