no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
