Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
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