Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
