i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The struggles of a small town man whore
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
