I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
