he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
