Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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