I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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