She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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