And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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