I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
