i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
