this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
