Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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