She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
