DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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