I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
