she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
